Always Partners, Caskett drabbles
by greyslostwho
Summary: 'Although everything's changed, it must have changed for the better.' Started for Castleland 20in20 challenge... followed by my entries to all sorts of Castleland competitions. All very Caskett, all drabbles and oneshots, no links.
1. partners

**Ok, you've got twenty drabbles coming up, as part of Castleland's 20in20 challenge. The first ten are to prompts, then five had to be on one episode (I chose Countdown), then the last five are all my own 're all a bit Caskett, and hope you enjoy them all!**

**Prompt: Partners**

They've only known each other a year, and she doesn't like to admit it to herself, but she needs him with her, now. She's not ready when he's shot in the line of duty; she's not ready to pace up and down the waiting room of a hospital, fear coursing through her veins. And she's not ready to see him, laid before her in the hospital bed, looking so grey, so broken. Without even having a chance to think, she starts crying.

"Why are you crying?" he whispers, even his voice sounds almost ruined.

"You're my partner…" is all she can manage.


	2. family

******Prompt: **Family

The first time she takes him to her mother's grave, he doesn't want to let the breath he's holding escape. They've only been together four months, and he knows her well enough to realise how much of a big step this is, how personal this is, how much he should value this. She keeps her hand firmly in his, and smiles slightly in the direction of the name on the slab.

"Mom, this is Castle." She whispers, so quietly he can barely hear it, and he thinks no one has ever loved him so much in his life.


	3. change

**Prompt: Change**

When she wakes up, before she even forces her eyes open, she knows everything's different. There was violent thunder and lightning the night before, and there's still rain, but somehow it seems calmer, easier to manage. She feels slightly different, as well, slightly more… _complete. _She's in the arms of a man she's been secretly dreaming of being with for years, but never really expected to be. Strangely, although everything's completely different, somehow, strangely, everything feels _right. _She smiles slightly as she presumes that although everything's changed, it must have changed for the better.


	4. eyes

******Prompt: **Eyes

She looks at Johanna; she could be looking at herself when she'd just been born. Her dusting of hair is the same colour, that smile on her face is familiar; there's something about her nose, too. She wishes Johanna's father was here to meet her, but as she's been two weeks early, Castle's still on his tour in Europe, he'll be back in four days. He'll love the little girl sleeping here, but she wishes her daughter looked more like him. Then she opens her eyes, and they're blue, and beautiful. With that she smiles. She's got Castle's eyes.


	5. close

******Prompt: **Close

Only weeks after they get together, he develops an obsession with tracing his fingers over her scar when she's in his bed, staring at it, as if he can't quite understand how it could have been so close to her heart. And he's in two different minds. When he's in a bad mood, and they've seen something too terrible, he thinks how unlucky she was to be shot in such a disastrous place, by someone so skilled. And when he's in a good mood he can't help thinking how lucky it was to miss killing her, it was so close.


	6. memory

******Prompt: **Memory

When she thinks about it hard enough, she can even remember how her mother smelt. When they were cuddled up together, Katie on her mother's lap, in her pyjamas, and Johanna read her a story; she'd lean her head into her mother's neck and breathe her in. Like somehow, subconsciously, maybe she knew she wasn't going to have her forever. She needed something solid to remember. She sighs slightly and tucks the bedcovers around her own daughter, shelving the book she's just read her away on the shelf. She wants her own girl to have the same memories to hold.


	7. cold

******Prompt: **Cold

The first time she really feels like she needs him she has a cold, in all honesty it's probably nearer the flu, and she's wrapped in a blanket, curled up on his sofa for weeks. He doesn't let her get up, he brings her breakfast in bed, sits at home with her all day – he says he doesn't feel like he has any place up the precinct without his muse – and he brings her dinner and a new blanket every time she asks for one. She smiles to herself every time he turns his back. He's taking care of her.


	8. smile

******Prompt: **Smile

She's only four, but already Castle can see her mother's beauty in her face, when she smiles more than anything. Something about her that tells him that one day she will be as irresistible to someone as her mother is to him, as beautiful. He sighs slightly, thinking he didn't even know that was possible. Jim Beckett stands next to him by the kitchen sink in their new family home in New York, with even a white picket fence, watching little Johanna out of the window.

"She's got Johanna's smile." He muses, almost silently.


	9. two

******Prompt: **Two

She looks heavenly, she'll never be as beautiful, he's sure, as she's walking down the aisle towards him, long white dress simply making her look endlessly tall, long brown locks cascading, a slight smile on her face making her perfect. But he swallows for a moment, because he has to think he's been here twice before, and it's ended messily. And she means far more to him than he could even have imagined then, so he's got to make sure this works. He gives her a huge smile, but swallows slightly. He's going to have to never stop working hard.


	10. wet

******Prompt: **Wet

She's sat on the swing, the rain's pouring, and she doesn't know what to think. She was hanging by a few fingers, and her life was practically flashing before her eyes, and all she could think about was Castle, and the futures they both dreamt about, that they weren't going to have. That she wasn't ready to go yet, she hadn't gotten the courage to tell him how she felt. She's soaking wet, and she can feel the bruises forming, but she can't rest, not until she's sorted this out. She needs him now.

**There's the first ten (to prompts), the second ten will be up in a few days :)**


	11. the freezer

**So, I got impatient, and you can have all of them now...**

**The next five are all set around Countdown...**

**The Freezer**

She turns her head, snuggles towards him, and she's whispering something, and she's not even sure what she's whispering. This is gonna be it, and this is never how she thought her life was going to end, and there's so much she hasn't done yet, there's so much she still needs to do, for starters she needs to come to terms with and act on her feelings for the guy whose arms she's in. So she starts to talk: "Just want you to know how much I-"

But before she gets a chance to continue, the blackness is caving in.


	12. panic

**Panic**

He's still groggy, and he can feel the artificial warmth around him, but somehow the cold's still creeping in, like he'd been in so much of it that it has found its way into his bones. Josh's talking to him, and then Ryan and Esposito are, and for a moment it's like an out-of-body experience, for a moment in his mind he's panicking about why he can't see Beckett, and although he rationally knows Ryan and Esposito wouldn't be chatting to him if she was dead, he's still panicking. And then he sees her, wrapped in the grey blanket, and he smiles.


	13. the bomb

**The bomb**

He can't stop staring at the bomb for moments when he first sees it, like it's somehow hypnotising him. He knows he shouldn't, but he's counting the seconds, reading them out from the timer, because he's got to occupy his brain doing something, or he'll go mad. Beckett's talking to Fallon, and then she's shaking her head, and hanging up, the last seconds of their life are ticking away, and she whispers his name, and he takes her hand, and it's all going to be over…

And he bites the bullet, and tugs all the wires.


	14. not ready

**Not Ready **

The final seconds of her life are ticking away, and Fallon's saying he can't see the picture, and then he's apologising, and she feels sick to her stomach, but as she breathes his name and takes his hand, somehow grateful it's Castle she'll be standing by in her last moments, not anyone else. She's got so many mixed up feelings for this man she hasn't even admitted to herself, and she's not ready to die, but she's with the best person. Her light can go out in a minute beside maybe her favourite other light in the world…


	15. wanted to hear

**Wanted to Hear**

She's in the arms of the man that she's with; hell, the man she's even telling herself she loves, and she can't help staring at Castle as he walks away. When Josh appeared behind her… it's stupid, but she can't help thinking Castle was going to say something else until he spotted her boyfriend there. What scares her more, however, is that she wants to know what he was going to say, maybe even wants to hear it. She can't help herself thinking as she watches him how content she was to be in her last moments with him, hours ago.


	16. the funeral

**My take on Beckett's memories of the events of Knockout...**

**The funeral**

She doesn't remember much from it, not anymore. She remembers standing up and saying something, and then a jolt of shocking pain in her chest. She's not sure how she got there, but somehow she was sprawled on the floor, amongst the warm grass, and staring up into a completely blue sky. She thinks there should have been noises around her, and maybe there were, somewhere, but she couldn't hear them properly. She saw Castle's face above hers, and he looked so scared. And then she heard his words.

_Stay with me Kate, I love you._


	17. fear

**A nod back to Boom!, the first few minutes, and Castle's train of thought:**

**Fear**

He'd almost felt the heat of the explosion as Beckett's apartment building burst into flames behind him. For a moment he was frozen, unable to even comprehend the concept of losing Beckett.

He supposed he'd always imagined he'd one day find the courage and he'd finally act on the feelings that he was harbouring for Beckett, feelings that however under wraps he kept them, couldn't seem to stop growing. There were so many possible futures he could see, he'd always been able to see, where they would one day realise how they felt about one another. Those futures had disappeared now.

He realised how much he needed her.


	18. Alexis

**Alexis' introspective when she first discovers Castle and Beckett together...**

**Alexis**

When she first saw her in the kitchen one morning in her father's shirt, when she'd spontaneously arrived home early after a night out with friends, she hated it. Beckett had made her dad's life hell for the past year, and though he'd never admit it, she'd hurt him so much. She wanted to stop her from ever harming him again. She wanted to do some protecting, after the protecting her dad had done for her.

Then she saw the way her dad looked at Beckett. There was something in his eyes she only saw when he looked at her. He loved her.


	19. old together

**A long time in the future...**

**Old Together**

As he holds her in his arms, and hair that was once brunette and beautiful is now nearing snow-white, and eyes that have always been bright and beautiful now looking so tired, he thinks about everything they've achieved in the last fifty years. They were blessed with a daughter of their own, and he's been blessed with five grandchildren, two from Alexis and three from Johanna, and they've even got a great-grandchild on Alexis' side… She fought her way to the top of the NYPD, he sold two dozen more books, they've always had each other. He smiles: they've had a good life.


	20. A Deadly Game

**My take on those very last moments of A Deadly Game, that infuriating ending:**

**A Deadly Game**

"Have a great summer…" she hates herself for that lie, but she's kicking herself, because she was about to volunteer to go with him, she was about to let her walls down, and dear God, hadn't she been learning forever not to do that? He's still talking and Gina's smiling, and all she can feel is her guts twisting in her stomach. That was such a close shot. She hates herself when her next words come out, sounding slightly strangled, "See you in the fall?" And it's a question, and she hadn't even considered the possibility of it being a question.

**That's a wrap, guys! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed them all!**


	21. answers

**here's another one, this was a post-ep challenge :)**

**Answers**

Dr Burke's asking her why, and all of a sudden, the words catch it her throat. If she actually stops and thinks about it, why _does _it bother her? Why shouldn't Castle be thinking someone's good at their job… even if she's young and pretty… why shouldn't he be seeing someone? She can't have things two ways, she knows that, she can't have heard what he said in the graveyard and not told him, and then not want him to be with anyone else…

"Because he's supposed to be…" and she doesn't know where she's going with that, so she trails off, because she hasn't really got a word for it. She doesn't know how she can begin to explain the relationship between her and Castle to Dr Burke, she's not really sure she can even explain it to herself. She goes for partner in the end, but she hates herself for it, because it's the safe option, and she knows as she says it that he's really so much more to her. She's taking the easy route out, and that's not fair to either of them.

The hideous flashbacks she gets every now and then are bombarding her, and she can feel his hands on her chest, and hear the words rushing out of his mouth, and see the sunlight through the trees. She can't make sense of this; she doesn't want to make sense of this, because it needs too much remembering.

"Kate… what are you really scared of… that he won't wait for you; or that he will?"

And for that she doesn't say anything, because she can't even give herself an answer yet.


	22. a letter

**This one had to be a letter from one character to another. I went for the slightly depressing option of a letter Martha leaves for Castle when she dies.**

Richard Alexander, because that's what you'll always be to me,

When you're reading this, my time is up. I know it's a lot to ask, but try not to be too sad… I've had a long run of it, I'm ok to be going now – don't mourn me for too long. You've got too much to do. Alexis, first. I'm a little gutted I'm going to miss her wedding next summer, but she's going to have a brilliant time, and she's going to look more beautiful than anyone you've ever seen. I know from all three of your weddings; you'll be both so sad to lose her and unbelievably proud of her at the same time. It's going to be a beautiful day. I wish I could have been there for her to help her get ready, to calm the nerves she's going to have, but I'm not going to be able to. You're going to have to do all that with double the effort for me. Make sure you wish her my love on that day, make sure she knows I'm watching. Because I'll be there, watching, every minute.

Johanna and baby Steven, I guess that's one of the things I'm sad about, that I'm not going to see them grow up, that I've not even really seen the beginnings of the people they're going to become. Wish them my love every day, son, and take good care of them – I know you will, you and Kate, you're brilliant parents. Do everything for them I never did for you, Rick. Be everything I never got around to being. As for Kate, never let go of her, she's the best woman you're ever going to find, you've got no chance of ever finding someone as good if you were to lose her, so keep a firm hold on her. You've been married six years now, and everything's going right, but there are going to be moments when you clash, there are going to be arguments you think you can't solve, but you always can, if you work hard enough. And she deserves every single effort you've got.

Keep the acting academy going, as much as you can, keep teaching young people to be better that I was. Stay happy, keep writing, keep raising your kids. One day you're going to look on them the way I look on you, as an improvement, as an upgrade.

I've always loved you, I've never told you enough times. So for the last time, I love you, Rick. I'm signing off, for the last time.

Mother


	23. That morning

**THAT MORNING**

**For Castleland's Mini Big Bang challenge, accompanied by art by watching_ghosts. Contact me if you'd like to see it!**

They don't wake up until halfway through the morning in the end – they didn't get to sleep til the early hours of the morning. Despite the thunderstorm and torrential downpour the night before, the sun's shining brightly through the window, as if somehow he weather is affected by their mood, one of their states of mind… Castle doesn't think he could be any more happy right at this moment, Beckett stark naked and asleep in his arms, and it seems the weather is reflecting it. He smiles slightly, and presses his lips gently to her hair – hell, he's been dreaming about being able to do that for years, but he's never really thought it was actually ever going to be a possibility.

Beckett's slowly drifting into wakefulness, and for a moment she wants to keep her eyes closed, remain asleep, because she's not quite sure this isn't a dream… who she was, last night, that's not who she normally is. She's never been quite that bold before, she's not sure she really did it, for a moment, then, until arms wrap around her and there are lips in her hair, and she never thought she'd have the guts to get here, but it's somehow so perfect. She lets her eyes drift open and rolls over to face him, smiling, pressing her lips almost instantaneously against his.

For a moment they're just attached to one another, for a moment neither of them want to pull back, because this whole thing seems too perfect, seems too much like a dream. And then she sits up, smiling down at him, and her hair's all mussed, her make-up's a little smudged – though that's probably more from the rain last night – and she's got an almost stupid smile on her face, because she can't quite believe the situation she's in is real. His shirt was discarded just beside his bed, and she leans down and puts that over shoulders, and then slides her arms in, keeping that grin on her face.

Then she leans forward and kisses him again, letting him pull her back down, his arms come around her, and neither of them say a word for a while.

Neither of them are ready to break the silence, yet.


	24. Hopeful

**Hopeful**

**Another one for castleland's Mini Big Bang. Again, same with the art. Enjoy!**

She stands beside her mother's gravestone, the words on the stone still making her feel slightly nauseous, even after all these years, the letter spelling out her mother's name still incomprehensible. She doesn't let the tears roll down her cheeks she usually does, however. Despite standing at a gravesite, despite there being absolutely no chance of her reversing anything, she somehow feels more hopeful today.

Everything's changed now; she's managed to step back from her mother's case like she thought she never would be able to, all because of the man whose bed she's in at night now, the man, if she's honest with herself, she's been feeling that way about for years, but she's only just had the courage to do something about it. She tilts her head on one side slightly, telling her Mom in her head how much better her life's been since she got beyond the case – and strangely, now she's moved past it, she's got so much more faith that one day she'll find the answer, one day, when she's least expecting it.

She supposes, as she thinks about, her getting over needing to devote her whole life, at the cost of everything else, to solving her mother's murder hasn't been unlike her Dad getting over his alcoholism. She guesses; if she's honest with herself, it has been a bit like an addiction. She's had the denying it's anything similar to an addict.

_I decided, in the end, you'd have wanted me to be happy, Mom. And I guess… I guess to be happy I have to let what happened to you go… because Castle gave me an ultimatum and I had to choose him, and I'll never tell him, because I don't like admitting he's right, but he said it was going to kill me, looking into your murder, and maybe he's right about that…_

She runs her fingers round the ring, smiling a little to herself, remembering walking round NYC with her mother, sharing coffees, and she remembers how they used to talk about what she wanted to do with her life. That's changed, there, it was her mother's murder that made her want to be a police officer, and though she would never be thankful that had happened, she wouldn't change being a cop for the world.

She's got a family from it, in her team, she's served justice so many times on behalf of so many people, and she's found the man she loves.

She wishes her mother goodnight then, and imagines for moments her mother looking down on her, and for the first time in the last 13 years she imagines her mother would be proud of her.


	25. obituary

**This challenge was the write the obituary of one of the main characters...**

Detectice Kevin Ryan 1977 - 2015

Kevin Ryan was killed in the line of duty, giving us the successful arrest of a serial killer, on January 14th, 2015. He was born on December 5th, 1977, to Bob and Brenda Ryan. From an early age, he always wanted to do all her could to help people, and he announced on his tenth birthday he was going to be a policeman, and this he did, becoming one of New York's finest homicide detectives. He often put his life at risk to save others, and he was considered an invaluable team mate by his peers, including Detective Javier Esposito and Detective Kate Castle. He leaves behind his wife, Jenny Ryan, and his two-year-old son, Peter Montgomery Ryan. He will be sorely missed. As of now, a funeral and memorial service are soon to be annouced.


End file.
